6.30.2005

I come to you now and again--simultaneously.

You, I come to you--my only friend minus judgement.

I come to you weeping the window into my pain:

This window is tinted and mirrored--no VIPs allowed.

Along this path so winding, I, again, have lost my way:

For a plan so strong and true

Attempted by a man so weak and new

1 part loneliness plus 3 parts protector

= uncertainty about future.

If only you, my friend could do more than listen.

Do you? Do you actually understand?

If there was anyone that knows the most truth

It would be you--almighty secret keeper.

Then, do you understand the most truth I have provided?

Do you trust it?

It is mine; though, I share it with you,

Yet, even I don't trust it [always].

The most truth is mostly mine, how can I not trust it?!

Is it me that cannot be trusted? Is it me that is plagued?

How many masks are we up to?

How many awards have I missed opportunities to receive?

I am not an actor, but I have the best scripts.

My audience believes me! They love me!

I am not so hidden anymore.

You've found what didn't want to be found.

Am I happy with that? No.

So, I come to you, my friend. This time I need more than an eye. I need you to tell me that I can make the decision without questioning loss. As risks are a part of life. I am here to stay and live with my sadness. Face down from the tinted mirror. I've hurt myself again.

My audience was me. I believed my mostly truth and I shouldn't have.

Tonight, I am playing the outer organ with orange coated razor blade kisses--they sting so sweetly.

Bliss was believing. Ignorance was not Bliss as Masks could not hide

Myself from Me