2.19.2003

Why do I have to be in such a position. I can not to be, but I can not help but be. Can you lead me out of me into you? I reach for an empty hand. No one is there. No one can match my grasp. Where to go from here? I search, but I know this cannot be. I know that I deserve so much better than what I have been dealt, but how do I fulfill my prestige? I am an intellectual, but I see no one that fits my description or can satisfy my needs to be intelligent and share open-minded conversations, open-ended questions, and ponder the imponderables of "our" philosophy. I am deep. Are you deep? Can I go deep into you? Will you go deep into me to see me? Can we go delve into unanswerable thoughts? I want to debate for the fun of it, to expand my mind or my POV, and to learn about you and yours. I do realize I ask a lot and if you knew me, you would know that I don't ask all of this of every woman I am with or even attempt to be with. I just wish I had it. I guess I should have this as a standard, I will either start looking for that which I want and find it by subconsciously attracting it or end up even lonelier than before. Where do I stand? I stand 6'2" tall, but that isn't where I am for my standards. I fall short of what I should. I am ashamed sometimes. This is the surface of me, dare you dig ANY deeper?